Its Been 30 Years

(And I’ve learned a few things along the way).

It’s been 30 years this month that I have been privileged to do the work that I do.

The work grew out of the realization that experiencing what is called Pure Consciousness, or the transcendent, through meditation is not, as I so fervently believed, the solution to all of life’s problems.

I came to see that patterns of behavior and thinking that are held, often unconsciously, are like hidden software that determines the output of a computer. These patterns are generated by past experience that is retained in the body and mind. And the more retained emotions there are, the more powerful the pattern is. It doesn’t matter how long ago these beliefs, experiences and emotions were created. They don’t disappear over time. In the subconscious, everything is now. So if we did not feel loved as a child, this experience and the subsequent belief, is not stored as I was unlovable, but it is stored as I am unlovable. And then, unconsciously, we go out to prove our unlovability. At least, until we change our minds about ourselves.

The unconscious is a big deal. It runs the show. It is said to be 1 million times more powerful than the conscious mind. If real and lasting change is going to happen in our lives it must start here. Realizing this was the first step in coming into the work I do.

“The unconscious is a big deal. It runs the show.”

The second step happened in a flash. One day, as I continued to deal with food allergies and sensitivities, no one was around to do muscle testing (also called kinesiology) and help me figure out what my body wanted to eat for lunch. So I thought, there must be some way I can do this myself. Amazingly, my head shook up and down. That turned out to be my “yes’. And sideways turned out to be my “no”. I call this my signal.

Over time I came to realize that not only could I test for good and bad foods to eat but I could test the unconscious. I could ask it what it believed was true, how it came to believe that and what emotion made that belief feel true. And even better than that, I could ask and receive specific answers how to help my clients release their limiting beliefs and retained emotions. And even better still, it worked.

“At first, I thought of myself as a healer. And this gave me a sense of value as a person.”

But what I would most like to share with you is how I have felt about this gift and the opportunities it has afforded me.

At first, I thought of myself as a healer. And this gave me a sense of value as a person. I felt important. Seeming miracles were happening. In retrospect, I would call this a stage. And it is a stage that is very seductive to the ego. One could easily get stuck here if one didn’t have spiritual guidance.

As my spiritual practice and growth continued I came to experience myself more and more as not a healer but more like a delivery system. Guidance would put information and directions for my clients into my mind and I would communicate them. When they would have experiences of their True Self it was abundantly clear to me that I in no way was responsible for their experiences. But, because I am empathic and can feel a little of what they feel I actually got to come along for the ride which was very beneficial to me.

“The more I worked the more I didn’t judge anymore…just loved.”

If I actually added anything to a client session it would be the unconditional love that was growing in me. This too, seems like a great gift given to me. The more I worked the more I found that I didn’t judge anyone…just loved them. And I suspect that this allowed the work to come through me with greater and greater force and clarity. Not too long ago I asked Guidance how much I actually contributed personally to my client sessions. The answer came back… about 1%. The rest, just flows through.

The gift and opportunity to do the work I do has been an incalculable blessing. It has moved me along my spiritual path. It has provided an income for me and my family. It is the thing I love to do more than anything in the world.

There are no real words that can contain or even point to my gratitude.

The Second Half of the Ego’s Life

Who am I? Who are you? How we answer this question reveals to us where we are on our journey.

I side with those who either believe or know that our souls are on a journey from a limited self identity to an expanded Self Identity. From an awareness of a self contained within a body, to an Awareness of a Self without perceivable limits.

A limited self identity holds that I am a man/woman/boy/girl/intersex. I am a student/worker/homemaker. I am what I do or what I have or what I like. I am my emotions. I am angry. I am my need – hungry, lonely, sad.

This essential limited self identity allows us to function on planet earth. It is also called the ego.

The first part of life is devoted to strengthening, securing and perfecting the ego. Our growth, pleasure and safety will be curtailed if we do not. And, as the masters teach, you have to have an ego to let go of the ego.

Carl Jung, arguably the greatest of psychoanalysts, framed this discussion when he wrote:

“The first half of life is devoted to forming a healthy ego, the second half is going inward, and letting go of it.”

Before we discuss what we might find upon realizing an expanded Self identity, let’s examine a very interesting period of growth from the healthy and worldly adult ego to the stage where the adult ego gives way to the expanded Self.

The healthy and worldly adult ego has learned:

  • To abide by rules – don’t steal, don’t lie, don’t cheat, keep your word, pay your bills, save and grow.
  • To live according to right and wrong, good and bad. It uses judgment to keep everything and everyone identified.
  • Independence and self-reliance are virtues.
  • One’s value is determined by the reactions and beliefs of others.
  • Love is primarily about what one gets from what one gives love to.
  • Defense prevents attack.
  • One takes credit for one’s achievements.
  • One believes that the more we do, the more we get.
  • There is never enough.
  • One sees one’s own mind projected on to what one believes is an independent world.
  • One always feels separate and most of the time it is not conscious.
  • The ego believes that it is the center of the universe.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with this state of development. Just as there is nothing wrong with the classes one is studying in high school. It is just that there are more expanded and fulfilling states of learning available as one progresses.

Towards the second half of the ego’s life, as our sense of self, our identity, shifts to identifying itself with an unbounded Self, with Wholeness, life is changing. In the twilight of the attachment to the egoic sense of self what journeyers in this stage report is that more and more:

  • We love as an expression of unconditional giving more than we love the enjoyment of what we get in return for loving.
  • We find judging people more difficult and accepting people as they are more of our hearts desire.
  • Rules as a basis for action is giving way to being authentically and powerfully directed from within.
  • We begin to recognize a power, a force acting from within that we know is not our ego. We may call it by many different names but we are learning to trust its Goodness and are awed by this Power, this Love.
  • We feel at peace more often with what is.
  • There is a growing sense of connection to all things.
  • There is a growing awareness that we did not create ourselves.

And then, one day, which we seem to have no direct responsibility for or control over, something happens. It is said to be as natural as any other phase of growth. Our awareness shifts. We cease to identify ourself by our littleness, our history. And we know ourSelf to be the bigness…Being ItSelf.

We are told that the adult ego is still there – even its foibles and its limitations. But, it is not what we identify as us. And we observe it. But now it doesn’t direct our behavior. Now it doesn’t run the show. It is just one more thing to love and observe, like the body that the ego is housed in.

And the day will come when peace is unbreakable
Love is beyond wildest imagination
Kindness has replaced competition
Clarity has no meaning because confusion doesn’t exist
Hand holding never ends, even with that which has no hands.

And the day will come when there was no other day
And a whole new life has begun.